Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
FUCK WHALES
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
