How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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