Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
