I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am spending my child support on dildos
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
