there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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