dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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