I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
