You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Let's get the cat blown out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize