i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
