Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My dick has a subreddit
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
