butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
