I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
