I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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