New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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