I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
