She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
