You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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