she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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