my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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