Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
