My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What drink are we having for lunch?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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