dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
