This is not my ceiling
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
