its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
