my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
