btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
