This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
