best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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