Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
