my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
