You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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