It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
