U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
