I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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