If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
