Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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