Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize