And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
