Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
