I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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