Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
