What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
