i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
