I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
