his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
