i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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