She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
