Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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