bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
