despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
