i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
