I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
