Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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