There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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