when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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