Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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