There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she peed on how many people?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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