Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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