I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
