When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
