Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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