I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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