He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
