apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
