Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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