i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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