No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
