two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
