There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
