Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
