If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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