My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
