you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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