If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
