I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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