Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
