He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
