I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
