i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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